Week Two- The Shittiest of Drafts

     I’ve read “Shitty First Drafts” by Anne Lammot two, three, four times now. Each time, I feel a slight inspiration, a slight push to write, and disregard unrealistic standards I place on myself. All the same, each time I don’t end up using this force, then feel the crushing fallout of disappointment. For me, this piece is ideologically reassuring due to casting some realism on what writing as a writer is like, but the effect ends there.

     After reading the piece this time though, I’ve analyzed why I don’t capitalize on the reassurance. I believe I don’t make defined plans to combat writer’s block. I sit down to write a paper and hear, “You don’t have anything worthwhile to say. Your writing is simple regurgitation- unoriginal, uninteresting.”  Consequently, that is the beginning and ending to my first steps of my writing process, causing me to transition to the step of “Incubation” as illustrated in the Gliffy earlier this quarter. I put the writing process into a self-created limbo where my ideas are incased in a soft-walled center that can be evaluated without any implication on my own ability. This incubation materialized is bouncing ideas off the process in my head, as well as asking my roommates and friends what they think about my current idea. The idea then stays in the incubation process until nearly the deadline.

     As the deadline approaches, I begin to feel the familiar anxiety and pressure. Once the deadline is almost impossible to fulfill- I gain the catalyst I need. Necessity and grade pressure then forces myself to write the piece, disregarding the self-defeating thoughts. This behavior then becomes a positive feedback loop as the rush process at the end makes the most comforting writing process, and it also happens to be the time when most of my best ideas are generated (keeping in mind that I flesh out most of my ideas in my head during incubation).

 The analysis of this process leads me to an excerpt from a book entitled Buck by Mk Asante I read this summer. “Shoot to make it.” I realize I need to actually shoot to make it- the soft limbo I leave ideas in is a mechanism I use to avoid negative thoughts; however, it damages my potential as a writer. I need to approach writing as I would learning a sport- I’ll fail, suck (shitty first drafts), but I’ll improve as long as I stick with it. 

On a side note, here is a link to a short video produced about Buck. Enjoy.